Ironclad / Le Sang des Templiers

The Blood of the Templars (2011) (IMDB)

I completely missed that film when it came out in March, but saw posters for it when I went to France a few weeks ago.

A film with Derek Jacobi, James Purefoy, Brian Cox and Paul Giamatti and it had not caught my attention? What was wrong with me??

Well, having now seen the film, I know the answer. Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I’ll tell you why.

In 1215, the rebel barons of England have forced King John (the Snake in Robin Hood) to sign Magna Carta. Within months, the King goes back on his word and assembles a mercenary army on the south coast of England to bring the country back under his tyrannical rule. A Templar, a baron and their mates use Rochester’s castle to hold the fort (and NOT hold down the fort) until the French arrive and kick the king out.

The Templar is James Purefoy (lovely in Solomon Kane), the Baron on Brian Cox, and the owner of the Castle is Derek Jacobi. The snake is Paul Giamatti, who has not done so well playing villains (I’m looking at you, Shoot’Em Up).

So why isn’t it a surprise my subconscious did not register this film at all? Well, it is not good. 
The dialogue is a bit lame. Giamatti looks like he’d rather pluck his own eye brows than being there. 
It is also very very gory, like an 80s horror film. Or Kill Bill.

It gets a Meh because it has redeeming features: the sheer presence of the actors (just turn the sound off), the fact that I still watched the whole of it, and the castle, which is the true hero of the film. Yes, the Castle is the hero, and the “Ironclad” the title refers to is not a warship: it’s the quality of the keep. 

Think unassailable. Think Helm’s Deep. Ok, think Helm’s Deep until the Uruk-hai go and blow it, which is exactly what happened to the English castle (and then the heroes have to hold a teeny bit longer until Gandalf the French save the day). So why call this film “Le Sang des Templiers” when there’s only 1 Templar in the film and he is one of the sole survivors? There are a few possible translations for ironclad, and I personally think that “inattaquable” or “à toute épreuve” would have done the trick but “A toute épreuve” is the “translation” for Hard Boiled, a 1992 John Woo film. 

So why not use “inattaquable”? Your guess is as good as mine.